The first blip

Morning weigh-in Sunday: 366.6 pounds (+1.6 pounds)
Morning weigh-in Monday: 367.8 pounds (+1.2 pounds)

I was a bit chuffed at this at first, but there are a couple good reasons for this gain:

1) I felt really dehydrated and drank a TON of water over the weekend.
2) I ate like a pig.

I had a big serving of thai noodles and shrimp Saturday night, then we watched football and ate sandwiches and pizza all day yesterday. I even had a Tim Horton's cookie (ginger and molasses, damned good).

So it wasn't a good weekend, but I learned something (besides don't weigh yourself every day, but as I think you can read, I'm not too discouraged by that). I think for the time being, my better days will be work days, when I have nothing but whatever is in the store. I can live with that.

Off to the grind.

The late night

Morning weigh-in: 365.0 (-.4 pounds)

So I stayed up for a while last night -- 2 a.m., to be exact. Guess what happens when you stay up late?

You eat. I ate some peanuts, some pretzels and drank some soy milk. I'm not too bummed about it, but it probably cost me a pound.

Oh, and I'm typing this at 6:35 p.m. EST -- how about them Seahawks?!? I think I might be the only guy in the civilized world who picked Seattle over the Saints.

On the third day

Morning weigh-in: 365.4 (-3 pounds)

Someone will have to explain to me how I can weigh myself at night (just for the heck of it) and be 365.4, then wake up in the morning, have a shower and ... uhhh ... my morning constitutional ... and still weight 365.4? Did I absorb a bunch of water in the shower? Is my waste weightless? Did someone sneak in the house and dump pancake syrup down my throat?

I want answers!!!

Today's menu:

(2) COFFEES
(1) can A&W root beer
(1) serving fireside pie (look it up, but it was the Zehr's brand and DAMN was it good)
(2) cheese cannelloni
(1) piece garlic bread
(1) serving roasted zucchini
(1) small bowl maple mini-wheats with soy milk

Again, not a bad day, I don't think. I'm sipping a Diet Coke to finish off the night as I type this, but I'm amazed how much better I feel already in just a few days of no chocolate, fried stuff, etc. I'm not at a point where I can get out and do a little running (my knees are bad enough at is it), but I don't think I'm too far off.

Morning weigh-in

January 6th: 368.4 (down 1.2 pounds)

So through a process of extrapolation, I'll be at my target weight by May. Ha.

Have to say I'm pretty happy with the first real day, aside from the buttery popcorn right at the end. I don't think I would have had anything else, but my wife and I were watching Jim Gaffigan and all he talks about is food. Damn you, Gaffigan! If you haven't seen his special "Beyond The Pale," watch it. It's available on NetFlix and well worth the hour you'll invest.

I also don't know why the hell I ever eat popcorn. Yeah, it's great, but the hours you spend after you've finished licking at your teeth to get the damned stuck stuff out? I think I'm going to class it with crab legs from here on out -- delicious, but not worth it.

Today's food (edited the following day):

(1) COFFEE
(1) small cappuccino
(1) Lean Cuisine (or some such thing) chicken pesto penne

and that's it. Not much time for eating, to be honest.

From the top

So this morning after not getting to sleep until 4:30 a.m. (Cate has a wicked bum rash), I rolled out of bed a little past eight and headed downstairs for the weigh-in. Here are the results:

Weight: 369.6 pounds
Height: 6 feet
Waist: 50"
Age: 40
Sex: Yes, please

I actually weighed in last night at around 373 pounds, so that has me a little thrown, but we'll start with a nice morning scale tipping and go from there.

Today's grub:

(1) XL Tim Horton's Coffee (two milk, three sugar), in the future referred to as THE COFFEE
(1) big chicken Ceasar's salad from Zehr's half-off bin with two lo-cal dressing packs
(2) strawberry whole-grain bars
(1) stinkin' root beer
(2) open-faced roast beef and cheese broiler sandwiches (not crazy big or anything)
(2) cups potato salad (I'm guessing -- like I'm going to dirty measure cups to figure out how much potato salad I ate)
(some) popcorn with butter

No, I don't know how many calories that is, and I don't care. I do know it's a hell of a lot less than I would normally eat in a day. Yay me.

The coffee story:

I decided a few days ago I was going to stop drinking coffee. I don't make it at home or at work, but a couple big Timmie's a day with the fixings was probably something I could cut out without too much trouble -- or so I thought.

I quit on Wednesday last week, and by Thursday afternoon I had a smoking migraine. Normally I get them with just vision issues (still no fun, but nothing compared to the troubles my wife has), but this was almost incapacitating. I woke up Friday with almost no energy to anything except trot back and forth to the bathroom, which reminds me that we need to get some new magazine subscriptions.

Saturday through Tuesday, I still felt like a sack of crap. Lethargic, still not keeping food in my system -- but no idea it was linked to the lack of caffeine. Finally yesterday afternoon my wife mentioned it and I went to get a coffee. Within 90 minutes I was almost completely back to normal.

Even today just having about four hours of sleep and one coffee, I feel 100x better than I did for the past week. Moral of the story? You can cut calories, but don't fuck with Juan Valdez.

See you later tonight or tomorrow.

Here You Come Again ...

That sounds like the title to a bad porno, but here I come again, this time past 40 years old and still trying to find some way to get my weight under control.

Was it the New Year's that did it for me? Nope, it's not a resolution. It had much more to do with me trying to kick coffee and getting really, REALLY ill for a few days. So, if you're already not eating much and feeling like crap, why not go all the way, huh?

I even went out and bought one of those Biggest Loser scales that figures out your percentage to goal and all that stuff (for those not good with fractions, I guess). I've never seen an episode of the show, but I hear Rulon Gardner is going to be on it this season, so maybe I'll tune in.

I'll try to keep this more faithfully with a list of foods eaten, a daily weight and whatever I find to bitch about from day to day.

That shouldn't be too hard at all.